How To Have More Grace: With Yourself

It's a true struggle to give yourself a break.

No matter what kind of day you're having, or the mountain of stress that permanently resides on your shoulders, you slip up and the mental beat down ensues.

Why is that?  Why can our best friend, mom, sister, daughter all have the same mishap and we respond with compassion towards their situation but when it's us it's, how could I be so stupid?!

I blame our DNA.

As women we are hard wired to go without for the sake of our children.  What stinks is that there is a glitch.  We inherently believe that by some magic we can handle everything, no matter the scenario, all the time.

That means it's incomprehensible when we come up short. And we struggle to be kind to ourselves in the midst of a mess up. Until today.  I have a few hacks from one perfectionist to another.

How To Stop Beating Yourself Up

  • Ask yourself, how would I react if this was my daughter?  When you mess up you will feel like crap, you will start to berate yourself. However, once you realize what you're doing, you have a choice to continue or zip the mental lip. A thing that helps quiet my inner critic is asking myself, what would I say to my daughter if this was her problem.
  • Review the things that you've accomplished successfully.  Okay, you forgot to bring the forms to the PTA meeting, and you're about to cut loose and tear yourself up, before you do, run through the pile of things you have on your to-do list.  I bet you checked on your aging parents today, shuttled some kiddos around, worked, took the pup to the vet, thought about what to make for dinner etc.  You get my point.  You have 20 things that you have balanced all day so if you forget one thing on that list, you're doing all right.
  • Take some deep (belly) breaths.  Don't skip this one, there is scientific proof that what I am about to share will help.  When you're upset, your heart rate increases to the point that your rational brain shuts off and your primal brain turns on.  Your primal brain is all about emotion and fight, flight, or freeze.  I don't know about you but I don't want my prehistoric brain scolding me.  In order to get your rational (frontal lobe) brain back on you have to slow your heart rate.  Your breath controls this.  Breathe short and shallow breaths, the harder your heart works.  Breathe long and deep breaths your heart responds by slowing way down.  As soon as your rational brain kicks back on, you'll skip the scolding because you will be more reasonable and have compassion for yourself.

There you have it! I would love to know if one of these hacks works for you, send me a direct message on Instagram and let me know!